New York Trip Report: Wednesday, March 31, 2004

March 31, 2004

I was yet again blessed with the divine fortune of being able to
return to New York this Wednesday to participate in a meditation
with Sri Chinmoy and his students. Upon returning to my home in San
Diego last Friday, I visited the vegetarian restaurant Jyoti-
Bihanga. Immediately, I felt that there was no separation, no
distance between the restaurant and the centre headquarters in New
York. Sri Chinmoy was with us; the separation only exists in our
mind. I tangibly felt that he was with us in spirit whenever we
entered the spiritual enterprises or the meditation centre in San
Diego. What a refreshing and inspiring vision! At the same time, I
was looking forward to another opportunity to be in the physical
presence of so many inspired souls. The power of group meditation is
undeniable.

In New York, the weather had been rainy but not so cold that it was
unbearable. April is nearly here, and that's good news for us
visitors.

As I entered the hall, the energy swept me away; what a difference
from last week! The spirit of April Celebrations can now be tangibly
felt, with more activity and more people. Already a few visitors
have begun to appear. In light of the forthcoming events, I took
perhaps my final opportunity to secure a seat in the fifth row of
the hall. Starting soon, the days of packed functions, filled to
capacity, will return.

After taking my seat, I noticed two special guests sitting in the
front row. They have been friends of Sri Chinmoy for many years. I
have had the fortunate opportunity of visiting their home for
meditation and dinner three times. I have written a detailed account
of my second visit which can be read here:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Sri_Chinmoy_Inspiration/message/1686

I approached them and smiled. They greeted me very warmly. We spoke
about the upcoming gathering in April, and the wife indicated that
she would be staying throughout most of the celebrations, whereas
her husband would be leaving sooner.

I sat in my chair and again observed the stage. Momentarily, my good
friend Sambodhan appeared. He is the manager of Jyoti-Bihanga:

http://www.jyotibihanga.com

I have known him since I first came to the centre nearly ten years
before. He was in Boston visiting his parents, but was able to catch
a recent function and this evening's as well. While we sat, awaiting
Sri Chinmoy's arrival, Kamalakanta made an announcement on the
stage: the new speaker system was in place and it is very powerful.
That means that there is more chance for feedback. Sensitive
microphones are now being used, so if one stands a foot or more away
from the microphone, it will not pick up any sound. He demonstrated
this, and stressed that singers should stand very close to the
microphone, ideally a few inches away.

I half expected Sri Chinmoy to enter the hall on one of his
motorized vehicles. Ever unpredictable, he entered on foot, wearing
his blue sweater and dark blue pants. He walked to the stage and sat
down. He then engaged in a very deep and powerful silent meditation
that lasted ten minutes. During this time, I felt as though the
stage was flooded with light. (8:50pm)

After this beautiful experience, Sri Chinmoy's bird drawings for the
day were displayed. As happened last week, seven images were
presented. Each drawing had a unique color. They were, in order:
blue, red, green, brown, orange, pink, and black. As part of his
regular spiritual discipline, he is drawing these special birds
every day. The final presentation was on a larger page: many birds,
using all of the colors from the day's palette. (9:02pm)

No sooner had Sri Chinmoy uttered the word "Satyajit" than a group
of five musicians and eight singers approached the stage. The group
performed a beautiful rendition of "Man khanire karbo binash" and
"Andhar guhai parbona." Satyajit recited poems that Sri Chinmoy has
written about the importance of always soulfully crying for God.
(9:15pm)

Sri Chinmoy then asked his students to bring out copies of a book
called "101 Great Indian Saints." This hardcover book offers a brief
history of spiritual teachers from hundreds of years past to the
present day. Sri Chinmoy is featured as one of these saints, along
with other notable spiritual teachers such as Sri Chaitanya, Sri Yukteswar, Paramahansa Yogananda, Guru Nanak, the Buddha, Sri
Anandamayi Ma, Ramana Maharshi, Mother Teresa, Sri Ramakrishna,
Swami Vivekananda, and others. Featured on each page is a drawing of
the person along with a brief biography. The introduction states:
"Saints of India hold utmost importance in the historical India.
'101 Great Indian Saints' pays a special tribute to these immortal
souls who have shaped India to become a country rich in teachings
and literature." Sri Chinmoy said the book was "Pratyaya's gift" to
him. She is the centre leader of Ottawa and is responsible for many
of the activities in Canada. (9:23pm)

Sri Chinmoy offered to write our own names on the page about him,
along with a small bird drawing. I was curious to see how he was
portrayed in the book. It would also be interesting to compare the
drawing of him with the actual person before me. Large stacks of
books were positioned next to Sri Chinmoy, and he would open a book
to his page, draw something, and then hand it back to the person. As
I waited in line for my turn, I observed the others. While he was
drawing, the person receiving the book would sit directly in front
of him, so that only a few feet separated them. I was overjoyed with
the prospect of standing in close proximity to my teacher.

After some time, Sri Chinmoy asked us to take the book and open it
to the page about him (page 20) before approaching him. This would
save time. While I waited in line, I tried to prepare myself
inwardly. For years, I felt very nervous when approaching Sri
Chinmoy. I was never quite sure if he would say something to me, and
if he did, how I would react. I had a strong feeling that Sri
Chinmoy might say something to me tonight, so I did my best to
relax.

Finally, I approached him with the book (9:48pm). In a sweet and
soft voice, he asked, "What is your name?" "Dave," I replied. He was
holding the book and looking directly at me while I sat Japanese
style directly in front of him. His eyes were nearly fully closed.
There was a long pause. I could feel that he was concentrating on
me. "You are the one who… gave me the Tagore music?" I said, "Yes,
Guru." I had sent a complete set of Tagore's songs on CD to him a
few weeks before. "Very good," he replied. "I'm very happy. Only the
songs are sung by modern women. I went through all of them. Forty or
fifty years ago the songs were sung so beautifully. Now they are so
modern." "Yes," I said. He again mentioned how he was not satisfied
with the modern singers of Tagore's music. He was not writing while
he spoke; rather, he gave me his complete attention. My eyes were
half open and half closed as I sat in front of him. I felt as though
I was looking at the sun. I concentrated on his words but also tried
to feel the meditative aura that glows in and around him. I
momentarily thought of offering to find more music; yet something
drew me back within. Not wanting to engage in conversation, I
enjoyed the silent, meditative quality of the moment. He drew
something in my book. He smiled as he handed it back to me. "Not
your fault," he said, as I walked off the stage. I was smiling as he
made this comment, and continued to smile all the way back to my
seat. (9:50pm)

I said to myself, "Wow" as I sat down. Sambodhan turned to me,
smiled and said, "He doesn't like the modern singers." I smiled back
and said, "No." I asked him for a pen and began writing down the
conversation with Sri Chinmoy in the book. I wanted to capture the
moment before it left my mind. After the notes were written, I
turned to the page about Sri Chinmoy. He had written my name in an
artistic way and drawn a beautiful, small Jharna-Kala bird. He
penned his initials next to it as well. A few minutes later,
Sambodhan said, "I am dying to know what he said." I showed him my
notes.

As I sat in my chair, I was overwhelmed. I had finally experienced
firsthand what I had observed over so many years: people speaking
with Sri Chinmoy! He spoke so clearly to me, and with intention. I
also felt that his last comment was done as a gesture to ensure that
I would not feel that he was displeased with my offering. He was so
polite and kind to me! I made a pledge to myself to find the right
music for him.

Parvati's singing group was called to the stage. They performed
seven English songs for the audience, written by Sri Chinmoy.
(10:00pm)

Sri Chinmoy asked us if we wanted to see a video of a lifting event
that took place recently. If not, he said, we could just see a few
pictures. Sri Chinmoy then took a poll of the audience. Many raised
their hands for the video, so he asked Mridanga to show it. Mridanga
hurriedly set up the equipment as Sri Chinmoy's chair was moved to
the side of the screen. After sitting back down, Sri Chinmoy turned
to his special guests and said, "Am I blocking your view?" (10:05pm)

The video was a very good representation of the event. The guest of
honor was a woman nearly Sri Chinmoy's age. The video showed her
arrival, the actual lift, speeches by she and her friend, and her
interaction with Sri Chinmoy and others visiting our "Pilgrim-
Museum." This is a small house off the tennis court proper that
features some of Sri Chinmoy's most exquisite Jharna-Kala artwork on
display. While in the museum, she signed the guestbook. She asked
Sri Chinmoy why he does things like drawing and lifting. He replied,
"From my prayer and meditation I get inner messages." Sri Chinmoy
made an age comparison with her; she is only two years younger than
he is. The similarity of their philosophies about transcending the
barriers of age was evident. Sri Chinmoy mentioned that age is only
in the mind. She made a comment which Sri Chinmoy had quoted earlier
in the evening: "When you lift you are holding the weight of the
world and you are holding the sky for us." Upon leaving, she said:
"Keep holding the sky up." Throughout the video, she seemed visibly
moved and openly wept a few times.

Sri Chinmoy talked about his history with the Sri Aurobindo ashram.
He said that at one and a half years of age, he first visited the
ashram. Then, in April 1944, at the age of twelve and a half years,
he visited permanently. He said that between the ages of seven and
twelve and a half, he studied Bengali in textbooks. He had to learn
by heart many poems which he still knows and loves. He said that
they still give him "enormous joy and immediate thrill." He added,
"seven, eight, nine, ten years old, to learn these poems by heart!"
(10:30pm)

Recently, he set forty of them to music. He asked Dhanu to play a
tape of twenty songs that he sang in Pulak's car. He said, "Identify
yourself with the sentiment that I try to express through these
songs." After the first song was played, he said that the car had a
lot of noise. When he had listened to the tape before, he had not
noticed so much ambient sound. He asked Dhanu to explain why that
was happening. The amplification from the stereo system we were now
using was the reason; the noise was always there, only now it was
more noticeable.

After the songs had been played, he said that the second recording
session would be done at his home. "There will be no noise, except
Chela," he said, referring to his pet dog. He did not complain about
the car noise, though. "It keeps me awake," he said. (10:50pm)

My own room in San Diego had become a soundproofing experiment for
myself and my friend Alex. I thus thought, "Perhaps the car could be
soundproofed for him." Then what happened? A few minutes later, Sri
Chinmoy said, "I definitely feel that something can be done to make
the car quieter." He said he was sure that some of his technical
students could devise a way.

Sri Chinmoy mentioned the upcoming April Celebrations and discussed
a special event which would take place. Then he offered "children's
Prasad" to the younger members of the centre who were present. Sri
Chinmoy said the item was "a little chocolate lamb." This resulted
in a few affectionate "awws" from the audience. One Asian girl from
the New Zealand centre came up and Sri Chinmoy said, "Why are your
eyes wet; are you crying?" She was smiling with affection and
delight. He added, "In New Zealand I lifted 1,000 lambs." He smiled
and gave her the chocolate lamb. "What country are you originally
from?" "Thailand," she replied.

Sri Chinmoy called for Prasad (for the grown-ups), and read out the
list of those who had offered Prasad for the evening. The items
were: mango lassi, an orange, Alu Chop (made at Annam Brahma
restaurant), a marshmallow bird, and a chocolate brownie from the
Oneness-Fountain-Heart restaurant. This item was offered in honor of
Aparajita's birthday. He is not only the owner of the restaurant,
but is presently in Yogyakarta, offering meditation classes there.
We had stayed in that city of Java for three weeks, the result of
which was the formation of a new meditation centre. Sri Chinmoy
spoke about it for a few minutes. He was very pleased with the
students there, noting a time when he had asked them to sing the
Invocation, which they did to his absolute satisfaction. (11:00pm)

After my dialogue with Sri Chinmoy, I had inwardly hoped that he
would also speak with my good friend Arpan. I wanted to feel oneness
and share in the experience with him. Just before we took prasad,
Sri Chinmoy said, "Arpan, please bring the photos." They were images
of a recent lifting event. Arpan placed them on the stage next to
the other items.

Sri Chinmoy offered a birthday meditation to an African girl (sorry,
I did not catch her name), calling up her mother on stage
afterwards. He then offered a meditation and a "gratitude flower" to
Bijan, a visiting student from the U.K., for his birthday. He called
up Bijan's mother to join him.

After we took the food items, I sat back down to eat. I recalled how
last week Sri Chinmoy phoned our San Diego meditation centre.
However, due to technical difficulties, the call could not go
through. He sent the message that he would call back on Wednesday.
It was now a quarter past eleven. I was wondering when Sri Chinmoy
would call San Diego. Due to the three hour time difference, the
opportune time was fast approaching. It was not long after this
thought that Sri Chinmoy said, "At eleven-thirty I have to call our
San Diego Centre in honor of Sujantra's birthday." He said that
Sujantra has inspired hundreds of people to enter into the spiritual
life. Sri Chinmoy then added that our San Francisco restaurant,
Ananda Fuara, recently served over 800 people in one day. He seemed
amazed at this figure, and a few in the crowd reacted with gasps of
awe.

http://www.inetours.com/Pages/Dining_Archive/Ananda_Fuara.html

While preparing to leave, he spoke briefly to the two guests. He
discussed plans for an event which promises to be of unique
historical significance, and mentioned his travel itinerary for the
year. Sri Chinmoy smiled at his two special guests, and at us, as he
left the hall. (11:22pm)

Epilogue

I have patiently waited nearly ten years for this day to arrive.

If one looks from outside, it seems that Sri Chinmoy talked to me
just because I gave him some music that he enjoys. However, the
spiritual and inner realities are far more intricate and delicate.
Ultimately, I know that it was Sri Chinmoy who made the decision to
establish the outer connection at this time. He initiated this
experience because he wanted us to have it. I say "us" deliberately;
I feel that he was absolutely the doer in this case, yet in that
moment, we both received joy. It was a deep inner friendship
expressing itself in an outer way.

Historically, there had been about a half dozen or more times when I
had received very nice messages from Sri Chinmoy through some of his
students. They had been in response to things I had done or a
question I had asked. I had always felt somewhat disconnected from
those moments. They were so positive and encouraging, whereas I
doubted myself so much! One of the messages was so beautiful and
inspiring that I cried for nearly half an hour with tears of joy and
gratitude.

Never had he addressed me directly in conversation. I thus felt a
kind of separation between my life as a student, communing in
silence with my teacher, and my outer mind, which would receive
these messages and subtly doubt whether they were even meant for me!
The person he would refer to in his message, to me, was separate
from the person that I actually was. I had created this
fragmentation myself. It was as though he was addressing my inner
being, while my outer mind and self was disconnected from that inner
reality which he so clearly saw.

In recent months, I had felt from within a certain sense that an
outer connection was bound to develop soon. Yet never before was
there a particular reason for us to communicate in that way. It was
not needed or necessary at the time. After his conversation blessing
was complete, I observed myself and my reactions. I felt that the
outer conversation we had was not even a fraction of the depth of
inner meditation I had felt earlier that evening. This was sure and
simple proof that the inner connection IS the most important element
of one's spiritual life. For how many years had I heard this truth
spoken and accepted among wide circles, yet I was never fully
confident that it was true! Only in recent years had I accepted the
inner connection that we have as a permanent relationship of
indescribable value.

Had I expected some other feeling to occur? Yes. I am not sure what
that expectation was. What I now felt was a kind of bonus, a little
extra blessing that I was not privy to before. I was again taken
aback by his approach. It was a normal, perfectly sound dialogue.
Really, I listened while he spoke. He did so with such politeness
and clarity. I could really feel that it was directed only to me. At
that moment I felt that Sri Chinmoy was above all else my friend, my
true and only friend.

Thus, from a combination of lack of expectation, nearly ten years of
spiritual living, and becoming an active person in the centre, I
received this very special result. I write these things because I
know how many of us feel that we need to speak to Sri Chinmoy and
develop an outer connection with him in our own way. Yet Sri Chinmoy
is the one who determines the hour. We can expedite it if we want to
by virtue of our self-giving actions; but it is equally important to
avoid the pitfalls of the mind, and not act out of a base motivation
to force this outer connection untimely.

I am very, very glad to say that I developed an inner connection
with Sri Chinmoy long before any outer communion took place.
Ultimately, I feel that it was he who created the circumstances for
me to offer something to him, which was really an offering from him
to me! For that, and much more, I am so grateful.

A week ago, I had an interesting discussion with Saral, a student of
Sri Chinmoy for many years. He described the close friendship that
locals who have been on our path for many years have with Sri
Chinmoy. "We see him so much, he's like our friend." Arpan added,
"He's like an older brother, helping us." Indeed, I can now declare
from my inner heart's core that it is absolutely true. Sri Chinmoy
is my best friend.

With love, gratitude, and respect for the global Sri Chinmoy
community,

David Siegel