A few years ago I did an improvisation using a Gamelan sound. While doing it, I was trying to figure out what I was actually expressing, as the improvisation was quite unique in style and character. The feeling that came to me is "something is broken".
This happened after Sri Chinmoy's passing, so I felt my life was broken a bit. I am still trying to pick up the pieces....
It is part of my arranging method or style, that sometimes, when I receive a good musical idea, I try to find a song by Sri Chinmoy that matches that idea. The usual method is to harmonize a melody and so on, but music is a free flow; it does not always come in a linear way. So I have tried to learn to accept, appreciate and even surrender to the flow of music; to have an open mind and heart, so that the creative process is always true.
This past week I was checking out some drone sounds, and the feeling came that they might work with this particular improvisation, and with a song by Sri Chinmoy that I had chosen to be used with this improvisation. The song is called "Deher Byetha":
Deher byetha praner byetha hiyar byetha balbo kare
Britha ami ghure berai baddha taba dware
Physical pain, mental pain, psychic pain whom can I tell?
In vain I roam at God's closed Door.
Swadeshe Bideshe Ghuriya Berai [song #10]
It is indeed a sad song...and it might express how Sri Chinmoy felt when he composed it, but it also expressed how I felt about his leaving the earth arena.
This is, for me, one of the beautiful things about Sri Chinmoy's songs and poetry: he is able to identify with and express my own feelings and state of consciousness, no matter what it is. And there is another thing that I find very endearing: in Sri CChinmoy's ongs, when the seeker is expressing a spiritual sorrow, let us say, the sorrow of separation form the Divine, there is beauty in that! A healing beauty of self-awareness! The fact that there is a yearning for a higher state of consciousness, for a union with the Divine, is a great blessing!
Here is the download link to the arrangement; it is for voice and a few instruments. Hopefully you will enjoy it! (Note: when you go to the download link, choose "Regular Download". It is free.)
I include here a few poems by Sri Chinmoy, poems that include the word "broken":
A Broken Wing
Aspiration-cry I have totally lost. And now Each fleeting breath of mine Is a broken wing In destruction-night.
Sri Chinmoy, Ten Thousand Flower-Flames, Part 11, Agni Press, 1981.
God Consoles The Broken-Hearted...
God consoles the broken-hearted
Only when He sees
That they are going to become sincere,
Self-giving and God-aspiring.
Sri Chinmoy, Two God-Amusement-Rivals: My Heart-Song-Beauty And My Life-Dance-Fragrance, Part 8, Agni Press, 1996.
O My Mind, ...
O my mind, Time and again
You have broken my heart
With false promises.
You are so cruel! You are such a liar!
Even though my heart is broken,
It is healing the wounds
You have inflicted on my dedication-life.
Sri Chinmoy, O My Mind, Agni Press, 1988.
O My Broken Heart
O my broken heart,
I tell you something in supreme secrecy:
You are only one side of the reality-coin.
Look on the other side
At what is shining bright.
It is the Golden Shore, the Golden Shore - Look!
Today your name is disappointment.
Tomorrow your name will be
God's Satisfaction supreme.
Sri Chinmoy, Ten Thousand Flower-Flames, Part 35, Agni Press, 1982.
God has broken my mind
So that my heart can claim
His Life as its very own.
Sri Chinmoy, Twenty-Seven Thousand Aspiration-Plants, Part 21, Agni Press, 1984.
You do not need anybody else
To repair your broken heart.
That is God's job,
And He will gladly do it for you.
Sri Chinmoy, Twenty-Seven Thousand Aspiration-Plants, Part 55, Agni Press, 1984.
Many times I have fallen,
But I will never allow myself
To be broken.
This is my solemn promise
To my Inner Pilot Supreme.
Sri Chinmoy, Twenty-Seven Thousand Aspiration-Plants, Part 135, Agni Press, 1990.
Once you accept
The spiritual life,
Your mind's uncertainties
You must shatter
And place the broken pieces
At the Feet of your Lord Supreme.
Sri Chinmoy, Twenty-Seven Thousand Aspiration-Plants, Part 166, Agni Press, 1992.
Life is a broken hope.
Life is a God-fulfilment-promise.
Sri Chinmoy, Seventy-Seven Thousand Service-Trees, Part 2, Agni Press, 1998.
And, lastly, here is a poem that I published here in 2008, a few months after Sri Chinmoy's Mahasamadhi"
I AM ALIVE AT YOUR FEET
"My heart is a river of unshed tears,
A dam bursting at the seams, breaking from holding
The torrent of sorrow.
My Lord, my life was crumbling
When you gave me refuge at Your Lotus-Feet.
Your departure from the earthly arena
Left me in a sea of despair,
My heart broken, my mind unhinged.
In my self-enforced loneliness
I have dared to doubt Your concern for me,
Thinking that maybe, in Your Eyes
I might not be worthy of it.
Yet Your love for me
Is manifest in myriad ways,
Minute and yet too numerous to count.
You are soft, like a quiet breeze
That soothes my embattled heart.
You are sweet, like the water from a sacred brook
That freshens my worn-out human breath.
You are warm and loving,
Like the sun that touches me in the morning,
Bathing me in its pure light.
In my hours of darkest night,
When I felt myself lost and defeated,
You always came to my rescue.
And even now,
At the brink of the inner precipice,
You have rescued me once again
With Your own loving Hand,
And the flow of my tears tells me
That I am alive in Your Heart."
[Moderators note poems with unofficial.]