Nayak's excellent and scholarly monograph on the subject of "footer"
(as it is affectionately known in the UK--though perhaps it should
better be called "feeter"), raises some interesting issues. One
requirement of the game as set forth in the Brussels Accord of 1917,
is that truckloads of Heineken must be pumped directly into the
mouths of stadium fans at fifteen minute intervals. Scientists have
speculated that it is this practice which causes the all too
frequent soccer riots to which Nayak alluded--not any factor
intrinsic to the game itself.
Since Sri Chinmoy's students are teetotallers, they are able to
watch a soccer match without hitting each other over the head with
metal chairs, or setting neighbourhood cars ablaze. (Of course, some
Yanks would rather be hit over the head with metal chairs than have
to watch a soccer game. That is the genesis of the Jerry Springer
show...)
Nayak wrote:
"We do know that Soccer-tease's wife, Xanthippe, did not like
soccer, but she did like American football when later she
reincarnated as the wife of one of the earliest feetball players,
who did not like tomatoes either."
I would just like to clarify that, although he did not like tomatoes
in general, he did like that particular tomato (Xanthippe).
A long digression into the question of whether the tomato is a fruit
or a vegetable would be appropriate here, but I shall leave that to
better minds.
Speaking of better minds, it is well known that in his later years
Soccer-tease was forced to drink a cup of ham hocks. As he was
strictly kosher, he preferred to loudly proclaim the virtues of
Liverpool's football team in a pub in Yorkshire--and has not been
heard from since.
Fatherless and bitter, Soccer-tease's son Amphetamine took to
hot-wiring chariots and racing them along Highway 61, a deserted
area by the Aegean. He was killed during a traffic stop by a cop who
was profiling Ethical Pluralists.
The prospect of unidexter football, which Nayak raised, brought to
mind this classic comedy routine by Mr Peter Cooke and Mr Dudley
Moore:
PS Historians and linguists were equally amazed when a portion of
the Dead Sea Scrolls turned out to contain a description, in
Aramaic, of a football match between Manchester and Lichtenstein
that would not take place for another 2,000 years!
On the subject of prayer and football (I'll bet you thought this bit
of nonsense was over, but I'm cramming some more bits into the
postscript)... The problem is, you have half the world praying that
it could be Christmas all year round, and half the world praying
that it could be World Cup season all year round. In order to effect
a compromise, God has made it so that there are constantly large
crowds fighting over something in department store basements, with
two cash registers located at opposite ends of the selling floor.
This makes it feel something like Christmas and something like a
soccer match, so both sides go away more or less happy, though some
of them are unidexters...
Nayak's excellent and scholarly monograph on the subject of "footer"
(as it is affectionately known in the UK--though perhaps it should
better be called "feeter"), raises some interesting issues. One
requirement of the game as set forth in the Brussels Accord of 1917,
is that truckloads of Heineken must be pumped directly into the
mouths of stadium fans at fifteen minute intervals. Scientists have
speculated that it is this practice which causes the all too
frequent soccer riots to which Nayak alluded--not any factor
intrinsic to the game itself.
Since Sri Chinmoy's students are teetotallers, they are able to
watch a soccer match without hitting each other over the head with
metal chairs, or setting neighbourhood cars ablaze. (Of course, some
Yanks would rather be hit over the head with metal chairs than have
to watch a soccer game. That is the genesis of the Jerry Springer
show...)
Nayak wrote:
"We do know that Soccer-tease's wife, Xanthippe, did not like
soccer, but she did like American football when later she
reincarnated as the wife of one of the earliest feetball players,
who did not like tomatoes either."
I would just like to clarify that, although he did not like tomatoes
in general, he did like that particular tomato (Xanthippe).
A long digression into the question of whether the tomato is a fruit
or a vegetable would be appropriate here, but I shall leave that to
better minds.
Speaking of better minds, it is well known that in his later years
Soccer-tease was forced to drink a cup of ham hocks. As he was
strictly kosher, he preferred to loudly proclaim the virtues of
Liverpool's football team in a pub in Yorkshire--and has not been
heard from since.
Fatherless and bitter, Soccer-tease's son Amphetamine took to
hot-wiring chariots and racing them along Highway 61, a deserted
area by the Aegean. He was killed during a traffic stop by a cop who
was profiling Ethical Pluralists.
The prospect of unidexter football, which Nayak raised, brought to
mind this classic comedy routine by Mr Peter Cooke and Mr Dudley
Moore:
http://www.worldofhurt.co.uk/scribbling/leg/
-harmonyvision
PS Historians and linguists were equally amazed when a portion of
the Dead Sea Scrolls turned out to contain a description, in
Aramaic, of a football match between Manchester and Lichtenstein
that would not take place for another 2,000 years!
On the subject of prayer and football (I'll bet you thought this bit
of nonsense was over, but I'm cramming some more bits into the
postscript)... The problem is, you have half the world praying that
it could be Christmas all year round, and half the world praying
that it could be World Cup season all year round. In order to effect
a compromise, God has made it so that there are constantly large
crowds fighting over something in department store basements, with
two cash registers located at opposite ends of the selling floor.
This makes it feel something like Christmas and something like a
soccer match, so both sides go away more or less happy, though some
of them are unidexters...